Money Cost of Friendship
To explore the relationship between personal finance and friendships a survey of 1,001 people was conducted on behalf of Self Financial. This survey examines the average spend on both casual gatherings and special occasions, the financial pressure Americans feel keeping up socially, and how financial differences (like one friend earning more than the other) can complicate friendships.
Key findings from the survey:
- The majority of respondents (54.3%) admit to having lied to their friends about their financial situation.
- The most common financial lie to friends (33.2%) is to claim to be in a better financial position.
- Gen-Z (aged 18-26) and Millennial (aged 27-42) respondents were the most likely to decline at least one social event each month due to financial reasons (75% and 81.5% of each generation respectively).
- One in ten (11.1%) said they downplay how much wealth they have to their friends.
- Three in four respondents (72.3%) said they had declined at least one special occasion invitation for financial reasons – including a quarter of respondents (25.2%) who had declined a wedding invitation.
- Half (49.8%) of respondents said they believe they’d been excluded from an event because of their financial situation.
- Nearly four in five respondents (78.8%) admitted to having felt financial anxiety when hanging out with their friends.
- Nearly half of respondents (44.7%) have distanced or cut off a friend over disagreements about money.
How do finances affect friendship dynamics?
A survey, Love & Money: Financial Dynamics in Relationships, conducted on behalf of Self Financial on the topic of romantic love and money found that couples were typically very honest about their finances: eight in ten (79.2%) said they knew what each other earns, and seven in ten (69.9%) said that they knew what each other had saved or how much they were in debt. But how honest were respondents in this survey with their friends? Considerably less.
The majority of respondents (54.3%) admit to not always being completely truthful to their friends about their financial situations. In fact a third (33.2%) admit to downplaying how much debt they had, or exaggerating their wealth to their friends. One in ten (11.1%) admit to downplaying how wealthy they are to their friends, and 10.1% admit to doing both in different circumstances and with different friends.
Four in five respondents (78.8%) reported having felt financial anxiety sometimes or often when hanging out with their friends (even if they were never dishonest about their finances). This includes just under a third (31.5%) of people who feel this way all the time.
Sometimes anxiety tips over into conflict. Three quarters (73.4%) say they sometimes or often feel anxious about having financial conversations with friends, and for good reason as civil conversations can easily become tense. Half of people had had an argument with friends about money (52.1%) and 19% said that they often do. The stakes can be high. Just under half (44.7%) have distanced or cut off a friend over disagreements about money.
How often do respondents typically socialize per month?
A full-time worker in the U.S. clocks in at work at an average of 8.49 hours a day, according to a 2023 survey from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. [1] U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, ‘Average hours employed people spent working on days worked by day of week’, 2023 https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/emp-by-ftpt-job-edu-h.htm Considering the time to commute, run errands and eat and sleep, squeezing in time to see friends on top may feel challenging.
But nearly all respondents managed to find some time to socialize at least once a month – with only 5.2% of people responding that they don’t meet with friends at least monthly. Of these answers, the most common average number of times people hang out with their friends is three or four times a month (41.7%).
| Frequency of social activities per month which require spending | |
|---|---|
| Frequency | Percentage of respondents |
| 0 | 8.0% |
| 1-2 | 42.2% |
| 3-4 | 31.2% |
| 5-10 | 14.9% |
| 10-20 | 3.1% |
| 20+ | 0.6% |
Socializing frequency per generation
60.3% respondents said that their financial situation generally affects how they socialise with their friends. Those aged 18-26 and 27-42 were most likely to say this was the case (62% and 65.7%) compared to all other age brackets (with over 69 year olds reporting the least impact at 38.5%).
And although those aged 18-26 (Gen-Z) were more likely to socialize 10+ per month (8.7% compared to the 2.8% study average), they were also the most likely to decline a social event for financial reasons compared to older respondents.
Gen-Z (aged 18-26) and Millennial (aged 27-42) respondents were the most likely to decline at least one social event each month due to financial reasons (75% and 81.5% of each generation respectively).
Three in four (75%) 18-26 year olds reported declining at least one social event each month due to financial reasons, slightly increasing to those aged 27-42 (81.5%). But this declined per generation thereafter: 53.6% in those aged 43-58, 46.7% in those 59-68, and 15.4% in those aged 69+.
Respondents aged 18-26 were most likely (92.2% compared to the study average of 83.2%) to say that they would like to organise more cost saving activities with friends in 2025. Whereas the oldest respondents in the survey (those aged 69+) were least likely to say they were planning more cost-saving activities (53.8%).
How much do respondents spend on socializing?
Spending time with friends doesn’t necessarily have to cost anything – for example, going for a walk or dropping round for a cup of coffee. To find out how often social activities do come at a cost, the survey asked the 1,001 how often per month a meet-up cost money.
The most common spend per social activity was between $11-$25 (35% of responses).
Nearly all (92%) of respondents reported at least one monthly social activity required spending money – with the most common answer being one or two social activities per month (42.3%). When asked how much they spend on an average meetup with friends, the most common amount was between $11-$25 (35%).
| Cost of a typical social activity | |
|---|---|
| Amount | Percentage of respondents |
| $0 | 0.4% |
| $1-$10 | 14.5% |
| $11-$25 | 35.0% |
| $26-$50 | 12.7% |
| $51-$75 | 27.1% |
| $76-$100 | 7.9% |
| More than $100 | 2.3% |
| Most popular social activities* | |
|---|---|
| Activity | Percentage of respondents |
| Dining out (e.g. restaurants, cafes) | 49.8% |
| Movies or entertainment (e.g. theater, concerts) | 42.6% |
| At-home gatherings (dinner-parties, game nights, movie nights) | 35.8% |
| Going for drinks (e.g. bars, pubs) | 34.9% |
| Outdoor activities (e.g. hiking, walking) | 31.9% |
| Sporting activities (e.g. yoga, football) | 27.7% |
| Special occasions (e.g. birthday parties, baby-showers) | 25.6% |
| Shopping trips | 21.9% |
| Traveling or vacations | 14.5% |
*Respondents could choose multiple answers
Although dining out (49.8%) and catching a movie (42.6%) were the most common activities friends did with each other, it doesn’t mean that just meeting at home (35.8%) necessarily comes without a price. Of those who did visit their friends at home (for example, when attending a dinner party), nearly everyone said they sometimes (55.1%) or always (38.8%) contributed something: like a gift or a financial contribution to the costs of the gathering. Three quarters of respondents (76.1%) said the value of what they brought was typically above $11.Women were more likely to always contribute something than men (41.9% compared to 32% of men).
How do respondents split the bill with friends?
Split the bill or pay per item? Only a third (32.7%) of respondents said they consistently respond the same way (either always splitting or always paying per item). The most common response was that people tended to split the bill (42.8%) or always split the bill when it came to friends (24.7%).
Just above two in five (43.6%) of respondents said they had experienced tension when splitting the bill with friends. To help a friend out, 89% of respondents said they had sometimes paid full or partially for a friend with less money than them. This includes three in ten respondents (30.7%) who often did so. Women were more likely to often do so (one in three or 34.5%) compared to men (one in four or 26.5%).
To help a friend out, 89% of respondents said they had sometimes paid full or partially for a friend with less money than them – three in ten respondents (30.7%) often did so.
The annual cost of celebrating special occasions
It’s already been mentioned that the majority (73.4%) have declined social invitations in the past to save money, but the survey also found that special social occasions – like weddings, birthdays, and baby showers – can be harder to decline and also more costly to attend.
According to the survey, people’s financial situations can sway who is – and who isn’t – on the guest list too. Nearly half of respondents (47%) said that they have avoided or not invited a friend to an event because they knew they couldn’t afford it. A similar number of respondents (49.8%) said they believe they’d been excluded from an event because of their financial situation in the past.
In the sections below, we go further into the financial implication of gift giving and attending weddings, baby showers and group vacations.
How much did respondents spend on birthdays and Christmas gifts for friends?
Nearly all respondents (89.5%) said that they buy at least one birthday present for a friend per year, with the most common amount being two (24.3%), followed by three (22.8%) and four (11.2%).
When asked how much they spent on an individual gift, the most common answer was between $21-$50 (42.6%). This means that a typical respondent buying two gifts a year spends between $42 - $100 on birthday gifts for friends.
But these weren’t the only gifts friends were purchasing. A similar amount of respondents (87.2%) said that they also bought Christmas gifts for friends (and again, the most common amount was for two friends 21.9%). The most common spend was between $21-$50 (35.4%). This means there's an annual spend of $42 - $100 on Christmas gifts, bringing the annual total to between $84 - $200 on birthday and Christmas gifts combined.
On average, respondents spent between $84 - $200 a year on birthday and Christmas gifts for friends.
How much are respondents spending on attending weddings and baby showers per year?
Over half, 66.2%, of respondents said they attend one or more weddings in a given year. And for those aged between 27-42, this increased to a 78.4% chance of attending a wedding in a given year. The most common number of weddings to attend per year was two (27.2%) or one (25.7%).
But attending a wedding comes with significant costs. Budgeting for travel, clothes, and gifts, 88.4% of attendees spent at least $100 on a wedding – with the most common amount being between $101-$301 (31.4%). Considering this additional expense, one in four respondents said they had declined a wedding for financial reasons (25.2%).
One in four respondents said they had declined a wedding for financial reasons (25.2%).
And, another special event you may expect to attend (71.9%) – especially if you are aged between 27-42 (80.3%) – is a baby shower. Of the 71.9% of respondents who attended baby showers, 58.8% said they always give a present. The majority of these respondents either gave a gift worth between $51-$100 (28%) or $21-$50 (27.6%).
How much are respondents spending on group vacations?
A group vacation is a nice way to enjoy quality time with friends. Seven in ten (69.2%) respondents go on vacation with friends at least once a year – with the most common answers being once (27.8%) or twice (26.8%). Respondents aged between 27-42 were most likely to go on a vacation with friends at least once per year (78.1%) and those aged 69+ were least likely to (38.5%).
Money also affected how likely it was respondents said they went on trips with friends. The likelihood of partaking in a group vacation dropped to 37.5% of people who earned less than $25,000 a year.
Taking a weighted average of all those who said they had participated in at least one annual group vacation, the average annual spend on vacations with friends was $826.55.
| How often do respondents go on trips with friends per year? | |
|---|---|
| Number of Vacations | Percent (%) |
| 0 | 30.7% |
| 1 | 27.8% |
| 2 | 26.8% |
| 3 | 10.2% |
| 4 | 3.3% |
| 5+ | 1.2% |
| How much do respondents typically spend on a group vacation? (including travel, accommodation, activities, and meals) | |
|---|---|
| Amount | Percentage of respondents |
| Less than $100 | 3.6% |
| $101 - $300 | 24.2% |
| $301 - $500 | 22.3% |
| $501 - $1,000 | 24.2% |
| $1,001-$2000 | 15.4% |
| $2,001-$3000 | 7.4% |
| $3,001+ | 2.9% |
Methodology
A survey on behalf of Self Financial was conducted in January 2025 and asked 1,001 American adults questions about the intersections between their friendships and their finances.
These questions covered a variety of topics, including how much respondents are spending on social activities with their friends, social pressure to spend money and conflict over money in friendships.
The demographics of the respondents were:
Gender:
- Female 55.8%
- Male 42.7%
- Non-binary 0.8%
- Prefer not to say 0.7%
Age:
- 18 - 27 9.2%
- 28 - 43 66.9%
- 44 - 59 18.1%
- 60 - 78 4.5%
- 79+ 1.3%
Level of Income:
- Less than $25,000 14.4%
- $25,000 - $49,999 22.7%
- $50,000 - $74,999 43.5%
- $75,000 - $99,999 10.6%
- $100,000 or more 8.9%
Sources
- [1] U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, ‘Average hours employed people spent working on days worked by day of week’, 2023 https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/emp-by-ftpt-job-edu-h.htm
